nameyourthoughts

kindness

2006-05-11T01:22:00.000-04:00

funny, over a year and a half ago a friend asked me the question "what are you looking for in your next relationship?" though i hadn't thought about it til then, without a moment's hesitation, i replied "kindness - someone who will treat me kindly." kindness implies a good soul, appreciativeness, love, and respect.

another i would add now is 'dependability'. if i am there for you 100% - 24/7, i need and expect the same from you. so i guess the next one would be 'reciprocity'.

"what is the secret to your marriage?" was a question asked to an elderly couple at their 50th anniversary.. the wife replied "we never fell out of love at the same time". sometimes, it's not a matter of love - it's a matter of kindness.

the cabbie made my day

2006-02-03T00:55:00.000-05:00

lousy day - for no particular reason.. arguing - with myself, at work.. leaving work late, past midnight - greeted by a cheery 'good morning!'.. salsa music on the way home.. the nicest comment i had all day - 'the world needs more people like you'.. i must remember, sometimes it's the littlest things in life..

ketchup

2006-01-29T15:06:00.000-05:00

So there's Papa Tomato, Momma Tomato and Baby Tomato walking along the street. Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato starts getting really angry. So, he turns around and squishes Baby Tomato and says, 'Ketchup.'

why this obsession with ketchup? i mean i've never considered myself a ketchup person, never been crazy about the condiment, and i only ever use it on burgers and fries.. and besides, how un-foodie can you get? and yet inextricably i find myself thinking about ketchup. is it because it resembles fake blood? does it represent my soul in a bottle?

ketchup dates back from a condiment used in 17th century china called 'ke-tsiap' - it was made from fermented fish sauce and resembled soy or oyster sauce. it wasn't until it was brought to new england in the early 1800s that the recipe included tomatoes.. 97% of households in america have ketchup in their fridges. in 1981 the reagan administration even briefly counted ketchup as a vegetable.

..mmm - think i'll get some fries for lunch... (a nice healthy vegetarian meal..

remora duck

2006-01-29T00:58:00.000-05:00

i am watching a remora fish - normally which would be attached to a shark in its symbiosis, cleaning and feeding on its scraps.. instead it is sucking up little pebbles from the floor of the water and spitting them out, trying to get as much algae from it as it can to eat, but it is not enough.. instead it turns into a brightly colored duck and happily dives and splashes about, with its mouth full of moss and algae..

my dreams are getting harder to discern..

umami

2006-01-28T09:31:00.000-05:00

at dinner with foodies last night the term 'umami' was used to describe food and wine.. this was the first time i had heard the term spoken outside of japanese, and was surprised to find the word had made it into the english lexicon.

literally meaning 'deliciousness', i always thought of it as the taste sensation of 'savouriness' - that which makes your mouth water and your tastebuds sing! apparently, our tastebuds have receptors for 5 different tastes: bitter, salty, sour, sweet - and now a fifth taste - umami. the sensations of pungent (warm/spicy - like vodka, chile peppers), cold (menthol), and fat - (yes, we actually have fat receptors on our tongue!) - are detected by somatosensory receptors, not considered to be tastes per se.

umami is the savoury taste sensation one gets from tasting free amino acids - particulary glutamates and ribonucleotides including inosinate and guanylate - naturally present in foods such as parmesan cheese, tomatoes, mushrooms, kelp, soysauce, meat and fish.. salt acts synergistically to boost the umami taste, and thus the flavor enhancer monosodium glutamate was popularized..

our first taste of umami is in breastmilk, which is rich in glutamates - perhaps this is why 'comfort foods' seem to consist of a mixture of carbs and foods rich in umami - mac & cheese, rice & beans, mashed potatoes... most of our condiments too - boullions/broths, soysauce, fish sauce - and what else but...ketchup!

great expectations

2006-01-08T12:29:00.000-05:00

in mathematic terms, expectation is the sum of the values of a random variable divided by the number of variables, like the arithmetic mean. does this mean we should just expect what is average?

an expectation is a belief about (or mental picture of) the future - an anticipation, a hope, a trust of something that is about to happen.

parents have expectations of their children, which at times weigh heavily - the need to not disappoint them, to dash their hopes and dreams of you. in the end, they just want for you to be happy. although initially they may not see your path as a viable route to that happiness. how is it that they always seem to have a plan, a direction, a drive that i lack?

in the career path, being unsettled may be the most difficult - not knowing, uncertainty of direction seems almost worse than being stuck in a job that you despise. my best friend would say that there are always options. weighing the risks and benefits of any situation and choosing is where the decision lies, and what you have to live with.

personal expectations are the trickiest. matters of the heart are never easy. my motto has been to "hope for the best, expect the worst - so that anything in betweeen doesn't come as a disappointment". we realise with great difficulty sometimes that no one person, no one relationship is infallable.. it is hard to not come to expect certain things when we feel we have put our hearts out on the line. we anticipate our loved ones to respond in the way we want or think that we would in that same situation. i guess we just have to remember all of us come to this point in time with miscellaneous baggage and not everyone handles the weight with the same attachments or decisiveness of others.

are we walking a path with the future a big black box ahead of us? choice is what is supposed to control the future, but there are many random variables outside of our choices.. and then there is possibly fate, karma, kismet.. and there is hope.. ("you have to create an atmosphere for hope" says my cerebrally mended friend..)

to the new year. let us trust that it is better than average, and that it can quite possibly be great.

the heinz bottle crack'ed..

2005-12-28T00:57:00.000-05:00

..hoping that time, burgers and a little superglue can mend...

oneiromancy

2005-12-25T22:25:00.000-05:00

the ancient egyptians used dream analysis as a way of interpreting messages from the gods, or in finding a way towards a medical therapy or cure. freud and jung theorized that dreams have meanings, and that some dreams are symbolic of figurative thinking found in waking thoughts.

i have had 2 vivid dreams recently of there being grains of sand in my mouth and i'm trying to wash them out, but even with rinsing my mouth out with water, i continue to have that distinct taste and sense of grittiness that i can't seem to get rid of..

i looked up what the various symbols meant and they are as follows:

sand - the passage of time; something temporary or unreliable / lack of security; friction; wanting to smooth things over or avoid the rough edges; failing to acknowledge an issue; letting something or someone slip through your fingers

mouth - self-expression; communication; taking in something new / pleasure; sexuality; sensuality; receptivity / fear of being swallowed up; engaging in gossip; divulging a secret; something that is difficult to accept

washing - trying to clear up something; ridding yourself of negative feelings or thoughts; something that will become clear later on; something that is not logical or believable; being awash in emotions

so does this mean that i am trying to rid myself of negative thoughts, a lack of security, an issue - that at present i am unable to communicate or express?

or maybe as even freud said, "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar".

parental pressures

2005-12-23T23:53:00.000-05:00

parents. what is that unparalleled psychological grip that they hold over you? it doesn't matter what your age - i can't believe that i am 35 and still rebelling..

what is it about parents that they have the power to make you feel you are 12 again? the guilt that you are not following the path they have expected of you. the duty and obligation you feel to not disappoint them..

it seems that most of our insecurities, neuroses, and body dysmorphisms stem from our parents.. a scary concept for one interested in starting a family of her own... and yet i feel that they didn't do such a bad job - i think that i turned out relatively sane and balanced.. and i do love them unequivocally. then why am i gripped by sudden anxiety to have to face them? why did i move halfway around the world to be away from them?

i guess that would be so i wouldn't have to face their criticism - what could be worse than disappointing those that love you most? and yet i know they are proud of me, they love me and want nothing more than for me to be happy.. they just wish i could be happy on their terms - wishing that fulfilling their dreams would also fulfill mine.

as for me, i have found my own way, my own path.. i may still be discovering my own journey but nothing could be clearer than what i don't want. to their own dismay, they've raised me to be the thinking independent person i am.. so breathe deeply - and enjoy the visit...

it's the spark!

2005-12-10T11:28:00.000-05:00

like the emperor penguins of the antarctic, it is unclear what exactly draws one being to another in the search for a mate..
looks? attitude? aura? pheromones? whatever it is, there is a personal connection on a physical, intellectual (one would hope) and emotional level that makes us want to spend our time and our lives with this special person.

modern courtship and mating rituals are complicated by parental and cultural pressures - wealth, education, class, race, politics, religion.. and our own brainwashing - the disney or hollywood version of 'prince charming' or 'mr. right'. there's the idea of who this made-up person is - and then there's the reality of the mere mortals of who we actually are.. so how does one find the perfect match and know that he's the one?

finding is the difficult part. in today's world of casual hookups and virtually no romance, women have little time and opportunity to meet people outside of their immediate work circle - often not the ideal place to start a relationship. so we tend to date people met at parties or bars, through introductions - blind dates or via the internet. where one may not put their most honest face forward - they're on their best behavior.. for now. and then there's timing - either he's still involved with someone, or just getting over someone or else you are - there are kids involved or an overclose mother.. and if not, an immediate red flag - we wonder what's the catch, what's he hiding, what's wrong with him? and maybe there isn't anything wrong with him - it's nice, but there just isn't that spark, that head-over-heels feeling that you get when you're with him. or there is that all consuming excitement and passion that fades in 3 months or so when you realise that you actually don't have that much in common or aren't very compatible after all.. (what, anchovies and pineapple on pizza?!)

finding true love means not settling for less. in knowing he's the one there should be no question - you just know. when you're in love it's obvious to the world - the way your eyes light up when speaking of him, a secret smile just thinking of him - the way your heart feels like it's about to explode when you kiss.. and that feeling grows each and every day. it's that spark that overrides everything - it's the spark that counts!

pesky growth

2005-12-07T10:21:00.002-05:00

I finally got to exactly where I wanted to
be, she said, so why won't all these
growth experiences go away & leave me
alone?

story of the day, sent to me by a little birdie near and dear to my heart...
are we ever exactly where we want to be - or do we just tell ourselves that? life is flux. we wish the high points to stay there suspended in time, and 'growth experiences' are just euphamisms for things that suck ass (as my dear sis in law would say)..

growth is pesky - and thank god for it.
the only thing scarier than life being bad is life being static.

advice

2005-11-21T15:34:00.000-05:00

everyone has their own opinion on what should or could be done in a situation. you would like to think that advice from friends is something you can count on - an impartial (or at least partial in your favor) judge of a situation - and that they mean well for you.. or at least they think that they are advocating for you.

opinions and recommendations tend to come from personal life experience - and being human, these may be riddled with their own baggage or opinions formed from lack of information.. friends sometimes think that tough love may be in order when in fact what they are saying is hurtful or targeting vulnerabilities and may not necessarily be constructive criticism..

and so i must remind myself - an outsider's perspective may or may not be helpful to you. ultimately you decide what to listen to and what to shut out - what do you really know and what choices do you make?
you are in control.

nature to nurture

2005-11-17T00:28:00.000-05:00

a friend once asked me why it was that nurses tended to marry out of work, abusive, alcoholic losers that needed to be taken care of? i would posit that it isn't just nurses. it frustrates me at times that it seems inherant in the female nature to want to take care of people.

a fellow blogger - intelligent, articulate, educated - who through whatever circumstances is recently indigent, living on the streets hinting that with the coming winter chances for survival may be bleak.. immediately tugs at our collective female heartstrings. i am struck by the sudden onslaught of offerings by female bloggers following his writings to help him/house him - whatever - a total stranger - the internet persona whom we take to be real.. what is real? is this some sort of social experiment? a creative writing excercise?

it has affected me and i still don't get it. after the initial shock and sympathy, it actually strangely makes me angry that this is the way he's chosen his path. i cannot believe that no one would let him crash on their floor - i mean, what about the guy whose antique shop he was watching? you don't think he'd let him stay in the shop after hours? he states he doesn't have permanent belongings to avoid the impression of being homeless/helpless - as if this were a matter of some sort of moral high ground.. a feasability test? a "lewis and clarke excercise"? wake up, buddy this is your life. you have/had a family. i can't shake the sense that he thinks he is doing something rational - but rational only to his own reality. i get the impression that he is a highly functioning eccentric dreamer / borderline mentally unstable person.. (hmm sounds like people i know..) sorry if this is harsh, fish, but you wanted real consideration and comments and this is my visceral reaction.

i don't doubt that this need to nurture however pathologic is genetically programmed in women.. and that it does truly serve a purpose. but i also believe in choices and whatever shit gets thrown your way there is always a choice. so choose life. choose to accept some help. god knows half the population out there is willing to give it.

superstitions

2005-11-11T12:29:00.000-05:00

"sounds pretty noisy over there"
"no actually, it's not so bad - it's well, it's you know - the q word"
"no, what is the 'q-word'?"
"you know, q-u-i-e-t"

i have long poked fun at those highly superstitious - "you can't come to the bar until after the 7th inning - otherwise the yanks will lose..." yeah, like the fate of baseball players changes depending on the timing of a single tv spectator's entry to the local pub. and yet i am shamed into spelling out a word that one must not utter, lest i invoke the dieties (who obviously can't spell), the controller of injuries and sudden illnesses to smite us with a sudden onslaught of the hurt, sick, angry and insane..

how does this well known phenomenon of the jinx become tradition in e.r.'s across the country? it's always a case of "i'll do this just in case..." but how does human nature make the leap from "i'll tip the cabbie an extra dollar for good karma" - to virgin sacrifices to appease the gods? ...and don't give me that 'we're more advanced now' crap - just look at the world today - the evolution debate, the stemcell debate, the abortion debate?!

humans are a primitive species. there's no intelligent design about it. so why not believe in karmic retribution and other such silly superstitions - as long as there's no harm in doing so? (other than the obvious, of seeming totally stupid and being devoid of rational thought.)

instant gratification

2005-11-05T18:24:00.000-05:00

i want what i want when i want it - and i want it now!

spoiled brat? or assertive new yorker?
patience is a virtue, but in today's 'click and you shall receive' internet existence, who has time for patience?

i have centered my life around being able to obtain immediate feedback or instant gratification. in my job - i do x, i see result y - there's no days of waiting - hours at most.. i live in a metropolis where any craving can be satisfied - whether it's for afghan firnee, dominican mofongo, korean bibimbap, or turkish lachmajoun - give me 20 minutes and i'm there. music, arts, theater - there is always something out there to stay the boredom police. even in my relationship, i am made fun of - that there is no delaying gratification (how like a man!) - well, at least in the bedroom...

so does this make me childish or immature or spoiled? does it make me want to continue to be disorganized, directionless, and indecisive?

patience, sparrow..
..but it just feels so good to get it now!

heisenberg uncertainty principle

2005-11-04T07:40:00.000-05:00

dp x dx > h / (2 x pi) = Planck's constant / (2 x pi)

heisenberg's uncertainty principle basically states that in the quantum mechanical world one cannot know both the position x and the momentum p of an object, but can only guess its probability.

some scientists felt that the uncertainty lies in the fact that matter acts not just like a particle but a wave (that would be schrodinger (of feline fame) - to which heisenberg replied he considered his theory to be bullshit), or that we lack the necessary technology to measure the path of such a particle..

heisenberg states that "the ‘path’ comes into being only because we observe it". so in other words, ‘measurement=creation’ - if it can't be measured, then it is not physically real. ok, this is quasi pseudo-deep.. so if the tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it not make a sound? if you do not see it, did it even happen?

is this indeterminism of the universe true of paths one takes in human nature? of fate, of choice? can we only guess at the probability of our position and momentum? are we deterministic in our choices or do we behave in a probabilistic manner in that we cannot predict the path we will follow..

hang on little tomato..

2005-11-01T13:22:00.000-05:00

..i'm about to have an emotional ketchup burst.

generation 'whatever'

2005-10-29T12:05:00.000-04:00

gen x-ers are considered people born between 1961 and 1981, so i guess that would be me..
does being a part of a stereotypic generation of latte-sipping, alienated, overeducated, underachieving slackers reflect who i really am?

In douglas coupland's novel, 'generation x: tales for an accelerated culture' (spawning the term), he comes up with neologisms that i think are fairly descriptive of the culture..

Successophobia:
The fear that if one is successful, then one's personal needs will be forgotten and one will no longer have one's childish needs catered to.

Cult of Aloneness:
The need for autonomy at all costs, usually at the expense of long-term relationships. Often brought about by overly high expectations of others.

Me-ism:
A search by an individual, in the absence of training or traditional religious tenets, to formulate a personally tailored religion by himself. Most frequently a mishmash of reincarnation, personal dialogue with a nebulously defined god figure, naturalism, and karmic eye-for-eye attitudes.

i look around - and i find us all looking for basically the same things - but we can't quite get there - or it's just not what we thought it would be.. i think we secretly have boomer-envy, but are too successophobic, and we go through life spouting knee-jerk irony, try to make sense out of it with 101-isms, enter relationships with divorce assumption and have terminal wanderlust, and we wonder why life is like qfd (quelle fucking drag)..

god, i'm bleak today.

where is maria?

2005-09-02T10:07:00.000-04:00

what makes a person an unique individual? what determines aspects of personality? and once fully formed, how far can it be altered?

phineas gage had a railroad tie driven through the front of his head and turned him from being a nasty surly man to a complacent gentle persona. and thus the frontal lobotomy was born. a stroke is kind of like a lobotomy in that it kills off part of the brain - usually parts that control motor function of one side of the body, or of speech.

language. such a complex function. you need the cognitive ability to know an idea that you want to express, then find the words in your mind to make the idea meaningful to others, and finally be able to translate that in your head to form the words in your mouth and make sounds that others can hear. to communicate, one must be able to hear the reply, understand the meaning of words to formulate the idea it represents and how it relates to what you're saying. and we do this all the time without conscious thought.

i have wondered which would be preferable - to have conscious thought but to be locked in and not be able to express them, or to be able to fluently chat about anything but without the ideas that make conversation meaningful. i find it scary to not be able to formulate meaningful thoughts or ideas. i associate my identity with my thoughts - i think, therefore i am.. and yet being blissfully unaware may be the more humane and definitely happier state of being.

are you the same person if you cannot make coherent thoughts or have accurate memories? i am the cumulative effect of my past experiences - so if my past memories and thought processes are scrambled what does that do to who i am?

so, where is maria? thankfully in good spirits, her mind struggling to make new synapses to make sense of movement, thought, memories and speech. my heart goes out to you. many happy healing thoughts and wishes are being sent your way. happy birthday, dear one, you are beloved.

devolution

2005-08-23T09:12:00.000-04:00

in an interview at the white house earlier this month, president bush stated that schoolchildren should be taught about "intelligent design," a view of creationism that challenges the theory of evolution and promotes the idea that god is behind the development of humanity.

pennsylvania senator rick santorum, has argued that “intelligent design is a legitimate scientific theory that should be taught in science classes” and managed to slip the “teach the controversy” language into the no child left behind act.

what controversy??!? last i heard the monkey trial ended in 1925.

and "a legitamate scientific theory"? just because life is too complex to be explained or understood completely by science at this time does not necessitate invoking a designer. since when is the god explanation scientific theory? even if one believes in a designer, why must this exclude evolution? i.d. proponents may argue that a neutral-sounding "intelligence" is responsible for design, but it is clear that a deity - in particular, god as he is conceived of by certain conservative christians - is envisioned as the agent of design. this newly created 'controversy' has just been a clever ruse for appropriating scientiﬁc-sounding arguments to advance a moral and political agenda, one they hope to force into the public-school system. and have succeeded - they are actually teaching 'intelligent design' in the biology cirriculum in dover, pennsylvania.

it is mind-boggling that this is even an issue - that we need to defend the teaching of evolution over religion (disguised as science) in our public schools.

cravings

2005-08-17T12:07:00.000-04:00

why do we crave?

i had read about a study where vitamin deficient babies when given the choice of any food - they went for cod liver oil. using this logic, i figured any time i had a craving (say, for like chocolate) it must be for a good reason.. after all, our bodies must know what it needs..

ah, the fine line between hedonism and gluttony.

there is something admirable in the pursuit of or devotion to pleasure, especially to the pleasures of the senses.. but not of overindulgence nor addictions.. is there such a thing as a good addiction? to sex? to love? to excercise? to knowledge?

can we sublimate one addiction or craving for another? is coffee my gateway drug to tobacco, sex, and chocolate?

all things in moderation, they say - but i want to experience life fully, enjoy thoroughly, love completely..

markers of time

2005-08-16T18:55:00.000-04:00

birthdays, anniversaries, holidays.. arbitrary days on the julian calendar celebrating the passage of time.

what makes the yearly mark of time so special? and why doesn't it count if we don't celebrate such events on that specific day? david sedaris comments in one of his short stories, "asking for candy on Halloween was called trick-or-treating, but asking for candy on November first was called begging.." my friend who loaned me this book loves to have multiple birthdays throughout the year.. she has succeeded in confusing me - to this day i'm still not quite sure how old she is.

i had never been much for celebrating these occasions, but am enjoying them more and more - and learning to enjoy surprises.. it's good to remember accomplishments, reflect on where you are in life - and any excuse to celebrate - bring it on!

obscenities

2005-08-11T20:28:00.000-04:00

as per writer bill bryson, after the word 'o.k.', 'fuck' may be one of the most versatile words in the english language.

fuck, originally meaning to have sexual intercourse, becomes 'fuck you' - an insult, rather than a come-on, 'fucking-A' - an interjection, 'fuck off' - to send someone away, 'fuck over' - take advantage of, or 'fuck up' - to make a mistake.

i had heard the term 'snafu' - but i did not know that it was originally a military term - 'situation normal all fucked up', nor two other acronyms 'fubar' - 'fucked up beyond all recognition', and 'fubb' - 'fucked up beyond belief'.

what makes something obscene? why does the term 'fuck' strike us as vulgar, but 'sex' not? or why is it 1000 times worse when you call someone a 'cunt' here than in the u.k.? since there really are no curse words in japanese, calling someone 'stupid' there has the same meaning as calling someone an 'asshole' here. it's all a matter of culture, perception and propriety...

what's in a smell?

2005-08-06T14:04:00.000-04:00

that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
words, phonimes, morphemes, pheromones..

whether for finding food, avoiding predators, or choosing a mate, the sense of smell is critical for most animal species.
the average human being recognizes 10,000 different odors. olfaction is handled by the limbic system - the memory and emotional center of our brain. people are now using aromatherapy to treat amnesia - to trigger memories. and scientists have actually found a way to use odors to create false memories of not liking certain types of food to avoid overeating.

pheromones which exist in human sweat, saliva, vaginal secretions - not only trigger emotional changes and physiologic changes by smell, but are also absorbed by touch. a woman's sense of smell is keener than a man's and is influenced by estrogen - it peaks when women are the most sexually responsive and fertile - women who have sex regularly tend to have more regular periods. it's what makes all of your girlfriends synchronize on the same cycle.

pheromones in body scent are unique to each person - like a fingerprint - generally underestimated, it plays a huge part in human attraction. how our body odors are perceived as pleasant and sexy to another person is a highly selective and individual process. according to an article in 'psychology today', we usually smell best to a person whose genetically based immunity to disease differs most from our own. which evolutionarily would benefit you making for stronger, healthier children.

so if you're in love your man's smell, chances are he may just be 'the one'..

words, words, words..

2005-08-06T11:40:00.000-04:00

Polonius: What do you read, my lord?
Hamlet: Words, words, words.

Hamlet's answer suggests that the words which he reads are meaningless, yet he then with his own words, dances around Polonius' interogation, mocking him and insulting him while pretending to be mad..

the power of words. they can crush your heart, or make it soar. make you angry, aroused, uncomfortable, or laugh in hysterics. what a marvelous thing to put thought, emotion, playfulness or jokes into a means of communication through words. like music or art - but with less room for different interpretations.. the whole point is the degree of precision or ambiguity of expression..

independence vs. codependence

2005-08-05T10:29:00.000-04:00

when it comes to relationships, is there a happy medium?

most dysfunctional relationships seem to suffer from too much of one or the other. either they are too independent - taking separate vacations, staying for prolonged periods away from eachother seem 'normal' to them - they lead completely separate lives despite living under the same roof. the codependent couple is way too enmeshed, can't make a single minor decision without the other, do anything without the other, or have an independent thought from the other.. in both cases, the growth of the individual and the couple is stunted, stifled.

when two people are together they should both be growing, becoming better individuals because they are with eachother. so how does one accomplish this without falling into the traps of independence or codependence? 1) stay in love - love to be with eachother, truly enjoy eachother's company 2) care about one another's individuality - their space, their relationships with individual friends 3) communicate - debate, discuss and accept differing opinions. 4) and always remember why you fell in love in the first place.

what women want

2005-08-04T19:19:00.000-04:00

'sex and the city' portrays women in nyc as single, smart, sexy, and eternally searching for 'mr. right'.

sadly this all too familiar cliche rings true. nearly all of my girlfriends are single (myself included) - why is this? they are a group of beautiful, fascinating, fun loving, intelligent professionals. any man would be lucky to have them. so why is it that they are all still in search of 'the one'?

to grossly generalize, two generations ago marriage was a woman's only choice. most women were completely financially dependent on their husbands, and in so doing, locked themselves into a union where they lacked power. indescretions were tolerated - what other choice did a woman have? over this past generation, women had to choose - career or family.. there is no fault in being an educated housewife - i probably would have done the same.. but in this generation, women are refusing to choose. they want both - the security and independence of their career and a lifelong partnership of equals.

is this why it's so difficult to find the perfect man? is it hormonal, pheromonal? do most men fear sharing the power in a relationship? or maybe it's just plain difficult/near impossible to find your one true soulmate.

women today i think are setting a higher standard for themselves- we won't settle for less than what we want. we won't settle for less than true love, less than the security that we create for ourselves. so if it takes a little longer to get to where we want to be, so be it - i applaud us for waiting. we can achieve what we are looking for, and as unlikely as it seems, 'the one' does exist.

the subjectivity of time

2005-07-27T22:56:00.000-04:00

to a creature than can only imagine one dimension, a line would look like a dot. to one that sees two dimensions, a cube looks like a square. we can see three dimensions. what is the fourth that we are blinded to? time.

to one that can see four dimensions everything must seem so clear - everything is already existing in space/time.. yet for us humans, things are revealed to us in a linear fashion - events seem to be directly related to cause and effect. we cannot but comprehend otherwise - that we are marching along a unidirectional constant timeline.

perhaps the flow of time seems to speed up or slow down depending on what is going on in our lives because we are catching glimpses of this fourth dimension - how time is not really how we perceive it. yet it still ticks on, inching forwards, in our reassuring yet limited world view..

schrodinger's cat

2005-07-25T00:12:00.000-04:00

as much as i believe in choices and free will, i also believe in fate. can one change one's own fate?

yesterday sitting in the movie theater my girlfriend and i noticed an abandoned computer bag that no one seemed to claim. sadly, our immediate thought was, perhaps it's a bomb? management was notified, but they didn't seem to want to do anything about it. being apathetic, fatalistic new yorkers we stayed in our seats as the theater filled up. i thought to myself - if that is a bomb, changing seats may or may not make a difference - if we leave, who knows - something else equally bad could happen which if we stayed wouldn't happen. like schrodinger's cat - until you open the box, is the cat alive or dead? neither, it is both.

i had the choice to change seats or leave the theater, but i didn't. why did i choose not to? every decision we make, i believe is the cumulative product of the myriad of experiences we have had in the past. but if every choice is due to everything that has occured in the past where does that leave free will? did i actually have a choice? or are we going through life following a predestined path leading us to our fate? i have wrestled with this question and still have no answer. perhaps, based on the way our lives are, there is a tendency towards a certain destiny that isn't completely set in stone. i would like to think that in weighing our decisions there is enough uncertainty that we do choose and thus we can change our path, our life, our fate.

o.k.

2005-07-24T10:13:00.000-04:00

the quintessential american expression 'ok' is used and understood across the globe.

an english professor at columbia, allen walker read, traced the origins of this word back to the 1830's when jokes with language were popular. 'o.k.' started as a joke - an abbreviation for 'oll korrect' - which is ofcourse 'oll rong'. it was then picked up by the campaign of martin van buren, the 8th president - he was from kinderhook, ny - and nicknamed 'old kinderhook'. his political advisors seized the new catchphrase and 'it's o.k.' was thus popularized.

the term 'ok' captures the american free spirit - lightness, sans souci, it's all good, no worries. i don't think i've ever been this 'ok' in my life..

lunar effect

2005-07-24T00:17:00.000-04:00

anyone notice the recent full moon? it was one of those low hanging, impossibly huge yellow moons - "cosimo's moon". it's common urban myth that every full moon emergency rooms fill up with crazy patients, there are more violent crimes, suicides, dog bites, and births of babies...

if the full moon can so affect the tides, why not human behavior? lune, loony, lunatic, lunacy... these words had to be generated from some observation, no? i was surprised to learn, people have actually studied this. and in a meta-analysis of 37 studies on the moon's effects on human behavior, they found that the moon accounted for no more than 3/100 of 1 percent of the monthly variation..

hmm.. maybe my own selective memory clouds my judgement. or maybe i just prefer to believe the more romantic explanation (cyrano shouting at the moon, pretending to be crazy) that nature moves us in ways we do not yet fully understand..

porn

2005-07-22T12:26:00.000-04:00

what is pornography? something to titillate - to cause emotional or sexual arousal. often at the expense or exploitation of others.

so how is this different from today's media? the sensationalist, manipulative crap that is fed to us day in and day out. for the ratings, or to produce fear. i say that it's all newsporn. it is frightening how it is run by the rich, who have a vested interest in controlling this country. and we buy it, we eat it up because we crave the excitement. unfortunatley, as bill moyers stated, "once you decide to titillate instead of illuminate... you create a climate of expectation that requires a higher and higher level of intensity."

is all porn bad? in the decadence and extravagance of the western world (until it all comes spiralling down and crashes) we have more than enough food to eat. as a veritable foodie there is nothing (almost) that i love and appreciate more. foodporn. how sensuous to taste the briny wetness of a perfect oyster as it slides down your throat, the bite of caviar as the taste explodes in your mouth, the warm liquid center of a molten flourless chocolate cake. porn, porn, porn. and i love it.

stages of development

2005-07-21T13:27:00.000-04:00

piaget identifies 4 stages of cognitive development: sensorimotor, preoperational, concrete operations, formal operations.
freud's psychosexual development consists of 5: oral, anal, phallic, latency, and genital.

i would like to offer another - 3 stages of starting over and finding happiness:
anger and forgiveness
self-examination and introspection
laughter and forgetting

anger and forgiveness: when life hands you a bad situation or when a relationship ends, there is inevitably some anger - with the situation, and with yourself. does it ever go away? can you ever completely forgive? anger may be constructive to a point, and forgiveness a challenge but it's a necessary step to keep moving on.

self-examination and introspection: this is a lifelong process of constantly reevaluating and lightening the load. steve jobs said it well, 'If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?' And whenever the answer has been 'No' for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.'

laughter and forgetting: what's the point if you can't laugh at life, with life, or yourself? we are blessed with a short term memory - it's easy to forget how vulnerable we are and how crushed our hearts have been. this forgetting is necessary to open up our hearts and take that plunge again..

and it is worth it. no matter how many times we cycle through these stages, this is our journey and we can attain happiness.

excess baggage

2005-07-21T00:50:00.000-04:00

for anyone who's experienced life - we all drag around some excess baggage. how does one deal with this? with yourself? in relationships? with friends or lovers?

a little luggage is ok - we've got tools now to learn from mistakes made in the past. it keeps us on the road, in the right direction. but at what point do we exceed the weight limit that the load keeps dragging behind, keeping us from getting anywhere?

the trick i guess is to lighten the load as much as we can - through self examination, and letting go of some of the old stuff that we really don't need anymore. it's ok to throw stuff in the garbage or give it away to the salvation army. just keep the essential tools for survival, and continue on our fascinating journey..

virgin blogger alert

2005-07-19T02:58:00.000-04:00

never thought i was particularly articulate, and generally an utter failure with journals, but will give it a shot. the question remains - how intimate does one get with these blogs? if the point is for others to read them do i want to open my heart and completely spill my guts? and if not - if we are writing just to be clever and cute, then what's the point? we put up a front which we think people will see and tend to hide the raw honesty which may not be so pretty.. can we be truly honest? to ourselves let alone a shoutout to the interminable worldwide web?